and the cursor blinks

I had a good morning today. My meeting went well. It was rejuvenating and enlightening to feel supported by someone who barely knows me, but feels my energy and understands my truths. and the cursor blinks... I came home readhy to "tidy" up and get prepared for a joyous moment and then these feelings.... the ones way over there. They came back again and sucker punched me. and the cursor blinks... It blinked over and over again while I stared at this page and wondered what I would say.... I am irreversibly scarred... not like... not like the scar from the surgery I had this summer. That scar is a gentle reminder of how great GOD is.... it... its.... like living with a death sentence and fighting it everyday. You often choose to enslave every move forward.... those hands dig into your skin and molest every ounce of your being... over, over, and over again.... failure becomes a reminder of your useles flesh. disruptions become a reminder of how you can be overlooked. Unhealthy relationships are reminders of how dysfunctional you really are.... and the cursor blinks. It blinks. I type. It blinks. I sigh... and not want to move from this space. Shyt..... this thing is eatin at me.