I survived rapes and murders

Lil "L" sat in my office today and confided.... just let it go... sharin things about day after day. Moms, deceased. Pop's, knockin on deaths door. How can this beautiful mahogany king be just sixteen and no more. 2007 is when he lost her. It was Cancer. An unwanted friend. He was hookin up the surround system that she gave him when his auntie called him once again. I saw his body relax in the chair and he became one with his memory as he shared that sorrowful moment. He said he stopped. Stopped connecting the wires, because he wanted to watch a movie in surround sound, but... but he doesn't even have a VCR, or a DVD player to watch a movie with. He was hoping. Hoping that he would soon acquire one of these items to ... to connect to mom's gift. But the call, a disruption. The system, put away. He just put it back in the box a few months ago. He let it stay there... in his room. Lost in the moment, lost in his moment of his mama, his friend, now gone.

I'm feelin you like that...

Mannnn, I aint been here in a while. I 'spose I'm tired of talkin about that me shyt and more interested in study-in that we shyt. We aint been together but a minute, but ummmmmm, I'm feelin you like that. Like that soft silky rain runnin down my face... carefully following the curvature of each lip... slippin in between and then out again. It's you. I taste you. I see you. I feel you. Your body touchin mine... If only words could be so exquisitely divine. Shyyyyyyt, I think of yo ass and crack up from time to time.... you know why? 'cause I'm feelin you like that... I'm tellin you, it's been a long ass time since I've felt so connected, so loved, so in awe of that very you. That marry you... when you marry me. When will that be... ha,ha I already done wed ya ass in my head. Sure feels like it when I put it down in bed. Mmmph, I aint gonna comment on ya skills. Might lose my status and folks stop seein me as Will. Ha,ha... only Toya then. A lil submissive? maybe. From time to time... anywho, let me get off me, 'cause this shyt's bout you. You know why? 'cause I'm feelin you like that....

upright bass

My Harlem knight... I wondered what it would be like to pluck your strings...

I dunno

I dunno what to call this... just some scattered thoughts about some shit. I wrote "Sometimes" before this post, but couldn't put my words together. Hell, I was mad and I'm still a lil pissed. Sometimes you just wanna knock somebody upside their head when they act the fuk up. Man o man if I could write how I feel.... Shit, I dunno what I'm sayin..... I'm out.

Sometimes

I thought I would... I would let it go. Just not think about it anymore. I woke up this morning. I woke up in a frenzy. I tried to rush out the door, but it was too late. I stood there. helpless. again. I stood there angry at what I felt I could not control. Inside me again, the anger swirls. She said it was rage. I think she is right. I am angry as I write this. The invisible chains that he is forcing on me. Even if it is in a "joking" way. Even if it is to get a reaction. It's not funny. I am angry.

Playin inside

I've been away for a minute. Away from this space. Away from disclosure. Holdin it all in. I've been playin inside. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the urge to confide, in, you, this space, but then I go hide... I just keep on playin inside. I don't want to be here for too long. I'm not yet ready to write whats swirlin inside, but I at least want to recognize ... that I've been... I've been... playin inside. my head. Gotta get it out soon. I'll be back.